Warning: this post contains spoilers for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child. Only read this post if you have read the Cursed Child script (or seen the play).
Okay but seriously though, if you haven’t read the book yet don’t read this post. Like really don’t read this post. Go do something else with your life, go listen to the Hamilton soundtrack. But seriously. Don’t read this post.
I think we need to start out with the biggest wtf moment of the whole story. Bellatrix did the nasty with Voldemort. What the actual hell. Thats an image I never wanted and will now never get out of my head. Just like no please seriously no. Why JK why. Literally everything else was believable. But Voldemort being a dad. That’s too weird. I don’t like it.
But I suppose Voldemort being a Dad is relevant to the story since the story is really about Harry learning how to be a father. You see that Harry has actually grown up and now has proper grown up problems. In a way it feels weird that Harry and all of the characters are proper adults now. Because I read them as a kid I think I will always imagine those characters as the age they are when Deathly Hallows ended. I don’t like the idea of the characters growing up but I suppose it’s appropriate that they do along with the fans.
The fact that it starts out with the epilogue made me want to cry. It was even more poignant because I got to see it actually being played out. But yeah I had a little tear in my eye at that. It was almost like the last 10 years hadn’t happened and I had just finished Deathly Hallows. Though it did annoy me a little that Teddy Lupin wasn’t in this at all. You would have thought he’d be in it. I mean they managed to get a reference to Peeves in so why not Teddy. Or maybe that was JK’s way of apologising for Peeves not being in the movies.
The whole thing with Hermione hiding the time turner in a bookcase was pretty silly since it’s a terrible place to hide something like that. But when you look back at the Harry Potter books it’s the exact sort of thing you would expect from this world. I mean Hermione is just doing the same thing Dumbledore did. Or has everyone forgotten about how 3 eleven year olds managed to find the Philosopher’s Stone. Or what about when Voldemort decided the best place to hide a really important horcrux was with a bunch of stuff other kids had decided to hide. When you really think about it a bookcase is the exact sort of place Hermione would hide something of value.
Also can we just talk about the time turner thing for a moment. Because the fancy time turner that goes back years and years just made this whole story feel like a fanfiction. In fact I’ve read many fanfics where this exact thing has happened so does that make them canon now? But there must be some sort of rule that they can only go back to the same point in time so many times. Or is that just a thing in the Doctor Who universe. I suppose the only good thing about this new story is it means everyone can stop going on about how Dumbledore should have used the time turner to go back and stop Lily and James from dying. I mean he basically couldn’t since Harry and the gang went back to made sure Voldemort did kill James and Lily.
Oh and the alternate evil universe was brilliant. I love that they brought back Umbridge and showed how bad it could have got if Harry didn’t kill Voldemort. But there was one tiny little thing that annoyed me. She brought Snape back (which I kind of guessed would happen). But it was almost like she was doing it for the fans not for the actual story. I did really like the fact that it’s clearly stated how Snape turned to the good side for Lily, not because he was a good person. Snape is a dark wizard and I think people like to hate on him because they forget that fact. He is a bad person but tries to do a good thing for Lily and can we please all stop hating on Snape now okay thanks.
I also found it interesting how Rowling managed to redeem Dumbledore a little. My whole problem with Dumbledore is that he doesn’t really seem to care about Harry. But in this you then find out he did it because in his own weird twisted way he was doing it to protect Harry. I feel this is one of those things Rowling was doing more for the fans than to add anything to the story. Maybe there won’t be so many evil Dumbledore fanfics after people read the book (which would be a shame because I love a good evil Dumbledore story).
I really like that it’s called Cursed Child because you can’t actually tell who the cursed child is. Is it Albus for having to live up to being the son of Harry Potter. Is it Cedric, the child who was actually cursed and whose death was more important than we realise. Or was it Delphi for literally being the daughter of the dark lord. In a way it makes you feel sorry for all of them. Also have I mentioned that I didn’t like Delphi from the moment she appeared. Like really didn’t like her. So I suppose it was appropriate that she turned out to be the bad guy.
Even though I didn’t like a few story points I loved the overall story. But I also get the feeling that this is JK’s response to all those posts on Tumblr that go something like ‘Albus Severus Cedric Hagrid Remus Sirius Tonks Neville Dobby Lupin Potter you were named after the bravest people I ever met’. It’s not perfect but I’m okay with it.
Actually you know what, the thing I find most hilarious about this is JK Rowling telling people they have to accept this as canon.
Edit. Things I forgot to mention and really should have:
- Harry still has anger issues.
- There is literally no reason for Ginny to be in this.
- Albus kissing his aunt.
- That whole stupid Ron and Hermione sacrificing themselves in the darkest timeline.
- Harry and Draco possibly becoming friends.
- Professor McGonagall being a BAMF (this fact isn’t specific to the story but I thought I would mention it anyway).
- The terrifying death claw trolley lady.
- Hermione turning into a bitch because she didn’t marry Ron.
- Cedric becoming evil because he got embarrassed.
- The whole story only makes sense if you’ve already read the Harry Potter series.
Another edit: You know what, that whole thing with Cedric really pissed me off. Cedric wanted to call off a quidditch game because Harry was affected by the dementors. Cedric helped Harry with the second task even though he didn’t have to. Even Dumbledore said Cedric was good and kind. And JK made him turn evil from a little bit of embarrassment. They basically ruined that character with this one tiny detail. Yeah okay it now makes Cedric interesting because his death means something. But in return you now have this good character that you want to die because if he didn’t he turns into a colossal asshole.
Actual thing Dumbedore actually said about Cedric: “Cedric was a person who exemplified many of the qualities which distinguish Hufflepuff house. He was a good and loyal friend, a hard worker, he valued fair play“. I realise JK is all about showing that a person is more than just their house but this seems like such a huge change that I find it totally unbelievable.
Okay rant actually over this time.