I Really Didn’t Like Cinderella

A few days ago I found out that Cinderella – the live action Disney remake version- was on Netflix. I decided to watch it because I had been wanting to for a long time. Very quickly I realised I did not like this movie in the slightest. I could have done some sort of review but instead I thought I would share some notes I took while watching the film.

  • Well they included Gus Gus and his bit of cheese which is a cute call back to the original movie.

  • I don’t know much about filmmaking but this conversation has been shot in a really strange way. Normally at some point you would see the two characters in the shot at the same time. But for both it’s just close ups on the characters on their own. It doesn’t even feel like they are standing next to each other. They could be halfway across the garden and you would never know.
  • Why do they show someone passing him the present. He could have just appeared with it and she could have had the exact same line. There is no reason for someone to sneakily give it to him.
  • Is she just going to die just cause she’s shit?
  • Yes she is.
  • Why don’t they explain if she’s sick or dying. Cause it appears that she’s just sick, but they are acting like she is literally going to die in the next 5 minutes.
  • He’s a pretty terrible father for not checking if Cinders and the two step-sisters get along before moving them in.
  • His face looks weird and I can’t tell why.
  • Like is he just pretending to not hear them bully Cinders? HE’S STANDING RIGHT THERE

  • She is exactly what I would expect an evil step-mother to look like. I may have watched The Devil Wear’s Prada just a few too many times…..
  • He’s totally gonna die.
  • They’ve done a very good job of making the step-sisters look like the animated versions.
  • Okay she isn’t happy about living in the attic but I would love having somewhere that no one would want to annoy me.
  • Also how the heck did they fit that massive tower inside the house? Is it like the tardis?
  • Oh wait. Is he dead? That’s such a shock!
  • Nothing says I love you like an old branch.

  • Oh wait. The step-mother is ginger. That explains everything.
  • Oh god.
  • Cinder+ella=Cinderella.
  • Please stop.
  • This is hurting me.
  • Can someone do a version of Cinderella where Prince Charming isn’t needed to save the day.

  • The panto version of this scene is way better. It also has more glitter.
  • Why do so many people die in this movie?
  • Too busy playing what movie was that actor in to actually watch the film.
  • Never thought I would see Nonso Anozie, Rob Brydon and Stellan Skarsgård in the same movie.
  • Omg Nonso Anozie did the voice for Hydroflax in Doctor Who. TIL!
  • I’m lost. Why is Rob Brydon lying on the ground?
  • Why are they making the mother and sisters so over the top evil. Isn’t it bad enough that she’s treated like a maid.
  • Wait. We’re 40 minutes in and the ball is about to happen? Are the credits just really long or something? Or have they done the awful thing and added more story to make it longer.
  • If this was a panto there would be two men in dresses throwing flour at each other right now.
  • Okay but why is she so mean. Being evil is fine but I like it when there is a reason.
  • Going with the classic help an old hag to prove she’s nice thing.
  • HAIRY DOGFATHER

  • Omg she looks like Glinda.
  • People who would be a better fairy godmother than Helena Boham Carter: basically any 90 year old lady.
  • You know the difference between a fairy and a fairy godmother. Wrinkles.
  • Okay we get it. The dress is swooshy.
  • She’s a pretty terrible fairy if she can’t make a pumpkin turn into a carriage for more than 4 hours.
  • [insert something witty about never turning up to a party on time]
  • It makes me mad that they came so close to having the Once Upon A Dream music.
  • I bet Stellan Skarsgård’s character is going to try and split them up.
  • You would be so pissed if you get invited to some fancy party and have to spend the whole thing watching the Prince dance with some fake princess.
  • Okay bored now. 

If you don’t know how it ends she runs away, he finds her using her shoe and they live happy ever after. 3/10.

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My Thoughts On Sherlock Season 4

Here are my collected thoughts on Sherlock season 4. A note on how this post works: I wrote a little bit after each episode where I talked about my feelings on the episode and speculations for the next. I’ve added dates in so you can see when I wrote them, this is mostly because some stuff turned out to be wrong. Then at the end there is a little summary of how I felt about the season as a whole. Even though I shouldn’t really need to mention this, it will contain spoilers for all three episodes.Read More »

Arrival: A New First Contact?

Arrival: A New First Contact? | bluchickenninja.com

Warning: this post contains spoilers for Arrival. If you haven’t seen the movie yet you may not want to read this post.

My one problem with Star Trek is that the aliens have human ideals. The Vulcans claim to be above emotion (but they’re not), the Kazon think men are better than women. Pretty much every alien species has two arms and two legs and the only real difference being a funny shaped forehead. There is a reason for that, Star Trek took our modern ideals (at least from the time it was made) and placed them far into the future.

You could also argue that the forehead of the week thing came about because Star Trek being a TV show needed to be made quickly and they didn’t have the budget or the special effects that a movie would. There was also that episode of TNG that explained why all the different alien species looked similar but lets not talk about that cop-out right now.

Just like a person is who they are because of where they live and who they grew up around you could argue that is the same for a species as a whole. We are the way we are because we evolved on this planet. And you could assume that another alien species would be totally different from us because they evolved on a different planet under wildly different circumstances.

I think that is why I enjoyed Arrival so much because the whole story was about two totally different species learning to understand each other. And you have to remember the English language is a very difficult thing to understand. You may not think so because some of you probably grew up speaking English, but it’s basically three different languages mashed together.

The only problem with this movie (apart from the whole Aliens come to save us from ourselves trope) was the person who decided that two species learning to talk wasn’t enough for a movie. This was apparently based on a book so I imagine some of the fault lies with the author. But the moment you find out that not only is this movie about Amy Adams learning an alien language, it’s a language that allows you to travel in time. That is the point where I want to ask the filmmakers what the heck they were thinking. Like who decided that was a good idea. Why wasn’t them learning to talk enough. Why did the movie have to turn into this weird time travel thing.

Because literally the only reason this movie had a happy ending is because Adams saw into the future and was told by a person in the future what happened in the present that stopped (what I imagine would become) WW3. But like, how can that happen in the future if it didn’t happen in the present. The problem with time travel is it’s confusing and is therefore very hard to do right. The rest of the movie was good, but a language that allows you to see through time? Yeah… no.

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Hogwarts In Minecraft

Hogwarts In Minecraft | bluchickenninja.com

So I was talking to Tasha recently about Minecraft because she read a book set in Minecraft and that reminded me of that time I tried to build Hogwarts in Minecraft (if you haven’t heard of it before Minecraft is a survival/creative game where you can build and make lots of different things).

Hogwarts In Minecraft | bluchickenninja.com

This was a project that I spent maybe 2 years working on and I really enjoyed it because it was so difficult. Part of the problem was that the actual Hogwarts layout changes quite a bit as the Harry Potter series went on (I based my castle on the movie version of Hogwarts because thats the iconic castle).

Hogwarts In Minecraft | bluchickenninja.com

The whole design of the castle is really interesting, most of what you may consider iconic parts were actually added in Prisoner of Azkaban. In particular the clock tower and massive wooden bridge (that got blown up quite spectacularly in Deathly Hallows).

I don’t think this is a project I’m ever going to finish but I had so much fun with it because I got to add in all the tiny details. I got to build Firenze’s classroom and make it look it it was outside. The kitchens are under the great hall and the tables in the kitchens are directly under the tables in the great hall. I built Fred and George’s swamp in one corridor and hidden away there is a memorial to Dobby.

Hogwarts In Minecraft | bluchickenninja.com

I even built the Chamber of Secrets (yes you do enter through the girls bathroom) and there is actually a hidden tunnel in the giant statue’s mouth (which takes you to a library because it’s almost fanon that Salazar Slytherin has a hidden library in the Chamber of Secrets). And of course there are many many hidden passages because that’s just the sort of thing you want in a magical castle and Minecraft makes it easy to do.

Hogwarts In Minecraft | bluchickenninja.com

And then there was that one time my best friend decided to blow it up because of course he did.

Hogwarts In Minecraft | bluchickenninja.com

If you were waiting for a moment to call me a nerd that time is now.

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On Hermione Being Black

On Hermione Being Black | bluchickenninja.com

I’m going to start off this post by asking everyone to please be an adult about this issue and if you are going to get angry with me about it at least do me the decency of reading the full post before commenting. I just wanted to take a moment and add my opinion to the many many others about Hermione being black. This has been a thing going on for a long time but I think has recently come back with the photos that were released of Noma Dumezweni who plays Hermione in Harry Potter and the Cursed Child.

Now I’m going to start straight off here and say when I think of Hermione I think of her being white. And now here is the thing, when you read a book, you get an image in your head of what that character looks like. When you read the book before seeing the movie adaptation that image you have won’t always line up with the person who plays that role. I’m sure we have all seen some person or another complain about the particular casting in a role (Katniss Everdeen being one that comes to mind).

This phenomena resulted in my having an argument with my sister a number of years ago because I saw someone who looked exactly like what I would expect Severus Snape to look. He didn’t look like an old Alan Rickman but he looked exactly like an old version of my imagined Severus Snape.

I first read Harry Potter when I was 8. And at that time I assumed Hermione was white. I mean she lived in Britain so I just assumed she looked like me. While reading the rest of the series I had never come across anything that stated she was anything else but white. JK Rowling never actually specifically says what colour her skin is, in fact I don’t think she states that for most of the characters, Kingsley Shacklebolt being the only one (I think) that she says is black.

I have no problems with Hermione being black, and especially when it comes to theatre the actor doesn’t have to look like the character they are playing. But for the last 15 years I have always seen Hermione as being white and it’s going to take some time to get used to the idea that Hermione doesn’t look the way I had imagined her.

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